Who You'd Be Today

These are the lyrics to a song I heard about six months after you died. Kenny Cheseny has always been one of my favorite artist. At our wedding our first dance was to "Me & You" by KC. Also, when I was nine months pregnant with you, your dad surprised me with concert tickets to KC. I think you really enjoyed the music at the concert; you moved around a lot and kicked! That is a special memory I have with you; I wish we could have shared more memories....and we will SOMEDAY! I we approach your second birthday, I think about you and who you'd be today. I love you, my sweet girl! Mommy

Who You'd Be Today


Sunny days seem to hurt the most
Wear the pain like a heavy coat
I feel you everywhere I go
I see your smile, I see your face
I hear you laughing in the rain
Still can't believe you're gone

Chorus:

It ain't fair you died too young
Like a story that had just begun
The death tore the pages all away
God knows how I miss you
All the hell that I've been through
Just knowing no one could take your *place*(instead of 'love away')
Sometimes I wonder who you'd be today

Would you see the world?
Would you chase your dreams?
Settle down with a family?
I wonder, what would you name your babies?
Some days the sky's so blue
I feel like I can talk to you
And I know it might sound crazy

Chorus

Today, Today, Today
Today, Today, Today

Sunny days seem to hurt the most
I wear the pain like a heavy coat
The only thing that gives me hope
Is I know I'll see you again someday

Someday, Someday

By: Kenny Chesney

Why? to What?

A picture when I was seven months pregnant with Rylan.

Ever since the day you were born, I have asked "why?" I have never felt angry at God or mad at Him because we lost you. But everyday, any time I thought of you for the last 20 months, I ask myself and God too, why? Why did you die? Why did our family experience such a loss and such pain? And why couldn't the doctors save you? Why am I still sad and miss you, even after your sister was born?

Over the past few days, I have started asking "what?" instead of "why?" What is the purpose of our loss? What can I do you help comfort others who have experienced the loss of a baby? What is God calling me to do? My focus is changing from my needs, my desires, and my grief....to helping others. My eyes are being opened to the pain, hurt, and suffering that so many families go through after losing a precious child. My heart aches for them and my compassion is sincere. One thing I am sure of is out of pain comes a purpose. I am timid yet excited about the doors may will open as I ask the question "What?" Lord, what can I do to serve you and glorify you here on this earth?

I love you, My Rylan!

Our God Reigns

As I reflect on the past year and half, I think about how losing you has made me a stronger person and a better wife and mother. I truly cherish each blessing in my life and am thankful this journey of life.

This year, I had the opportunity to study the book of Revelation in Community Bible Study. The study has given me hope in remembering OUR GOD REIGNS FOREVER AND EVER.

To Rylan:

He Reigns...
He reigns when my heart was filled with so much joy and excitement as I welcomed you, my first daughter, into this world. He reigns when I said goodbye to you and gave you one last kiss. He reigns when my world was so dark that I could not see anything around me. He reigns when I prayed each morning to keep me in the "light." He reigns when I begged Him for strength to make it through the day. He reigns when my heart aches because you are gone from this earth. He reigns when tears suddenly come from something reminds me of you. He reigns when I began to see His glory and purpose in my pain and suffering. He reigns when I think of heaven and the amazing gift of eternity you are experiencing. He reigns when I am reminded of His faithfulness. He reigns when I praise Him for you and your life. He is my God, and He forever reigns.

Thank You, My Angel!

It has been awhile....I still miss you every day and wish you were here with us. Yesterday, I went to your grave to spend some time with you, my Girl. I sat there for a few minutes at a loss for words and with dry eyes. The weather was sunny and cool...beautiful! I sat there silent and still. I started thinking about the positives that have come from having you, 17 months ago. God has taught me so much. He has given me a new perspective on life and a new appreciation for everything. The words that kept coming to my mind during my visit were..."Be Thankful." I am thankful for you, Rylan. I cannot imagine my life without you and the gift that you were to us. Even though you were only with us four days, you have touched so many lives and taught many people to love more. I will treasure the gifts that I have in my life right now and focus on those blessings. I praise God for my amazing husband, my four kids, my family and friends, jobs, health, etc.

That night, I took your brothers and sister and held them tight, kissed them, and thanked my God for them. There are so precious and dear. Thank you, my Girl, for teaching be to be thankful.

Love,
Mommy

Big Sister

Sweet Girl-
On December 17th, 2009 we welcomed your little sister, Anna Claire, to the world. She is a true blessing to us, just like you. I wish you were here to meet her, play with her, and be her big sister. She looks a lot like you.

I love you, my girl! You are forever in my heart!
Mommy

Happy First Birthday, Rylan Elizabeth!

Happy Birthday, My Sweet Girl! I wish we could celebrate this special day with you and give you a big hug and kiss.

I have anticipated this day for the past year, but though God's grace and peace and from the prayers of our family and friends, I can honestly say October 17th, 2009 was a memorable,joyful day. Your Dad and I decided to remember you, but also chose to celebrate the many positive blessings in our life. We took your brothers to the State Fair of Texas and spent time with family and friends in Dallas. It was a day of happiness and fun! God has truly blessed our family in so many ways. Today we thanked Him for you, our precious daughter and for the short time we had with you on this earth.

Open Eyes

A glimpse of your glory, A hint of your beauty
Keep my eyes open to the blessings from you




This is the only picture I have of Rylan with her eyes open; and I am so glad I have it. It is a reminder to open my eyes to God's plan for my life and open my eyes to the many blessings surrounding me each day.

God Keeps His Promises

Remembered with a Rainbow

The beauty in the sky today, reminded me of you
It was a rainbow after the rain, it is the promise of God in full view

Oh how I wish she were here to share in our family
But God sent me a sign that she is there and she is free

The beauty of the rainbow, the sparkle in the sky
It is a forever promise that God is always nearby

For my sweet baby in heaven, thank you for these days
For this rainbow I have seen today, I give the Lord my praise

The promise of our Father will always be true
Whether the sky in your world is with a rainbow or it is gray and blue

So keep your eyes on Him and you will stay in the light
And when you look back on your life, the darkness will turn bright

God will send you something to remind you of His promises and love
For me it was a rainbow that gave me confidence that the baby I love is safe up above

Thank you, God. Happy 11 months in Heaven, Rylan!