Happy First Birthday, Rylan Elizabeth!

Happy Birthday, My Sweet Girl! I wish we could celebrate this special day with you and give you a big hug and kiss.

I have anticipated this day for the past year, but though God's grace and peace and from the prayers of our family and friends, I can honestly say October 17th, 2009 was a memorable,joyful day. Your Dad and I decided to remember you, but also chose to celebrate the many positive blessings in our life. We took your brothers to the State Fair of Texas and spent time with family and friends in Dallas. It was a day of happiness and fun! God has truly blessed our family in so many ways. Today we thanked Him for you, our precious daughter and for the short time we had with you on this earth.

Open Eyes

A glimpse of your glory, A hint of your beauty
Keep my eyes open to the blessings from you




This is the only picture I have of Rylan with her eyes open; and I am so glad I have it. It is a reminder to open my eyes to God's plan for my life and open my eyes to the many blessings surrounding me each day.

God Keeps His Promises

Remembered with a Rainbow

The beauty in the sky today, reminded me of you
It was a rainbow after the rain, it is the promise of God in full view

Oh how I wish she were here to share in our family
But God sent me a sign that she is there and she is free

The beauty of the rainbow, the sparkle in the sky
It is a forever promise that God is always nearby

For my sweet baby in heaven, thank you for these days
For this rainbow I have seen today, I give the Lord my praise

The promise of our Father will always be true
Whether the sky in your world is with a rainbow or it is gray and blue

So keep your eyes on Him and you will stay in the light
And when you look back on your life, the darkness will turn bright

God will send you something to remind you of His promises and love
For me it was a rainbow that gave me confidence that the baby I love is safe up above

Thank you, God. Happy 11 months in Heaven, Rylan!

Our Rylan Tree: Celebrate Life

Happy 10 Months Old, Sweet Girl!

A month after Rylan's death, I decided to go and visit her graveside and buy some pink flowers. That day, when I was in Kroger, trying to pick out flowers for her, the reality of her death and the that fact these flowers were all I could never buy her hit me like a tons of bricks. It totally sucked; it was an "ambush moment." I could not buy her a cute pair of girly shoes, a bow, or even diapers. I could buy her flowers that were quite symbolic of her life...alive and beautiful for a short time, but a few days later, dead.

Needless to say, I cannot bring myself to buy flowers for her again. So Dan and I decide to plant a tree instead, something our family could enjoy, something that would grow over time, and something that we could see on a daily basis that has "life" not death. This tree is our "Rylan" tree. It was planted in front of our house this spring in memory of Rylan.

Heaven is Our Hope

This is a picture that Camden, Rylan's three year old brother, made in his class at church Spring 2009. I'll treasure this picture forever. It is such a wonderful, yet simple reminder of how beautiful heaven must be. When Camden handed me his paper, he said " Mom, isn't this pretty? Do you like it? Today, we learned about heaven and my baby sister is there with Jesus and she is so happy." Big tears filled my eyes. Camden reminded me of the joy and hope I have that Rylan is in heaven, safe in the arms of Jesus. This picture is hanging up in my closet. I look at it each morning. I remember my baby girl and remember the sacrifice Christ made so we can experience eternity in heaven.

My Girl, For His Glory

I really struggled with this month's post. It seems like I have run out of words to express my loss of Rylan. I wish there was something else I could say or do to bring her back, ease the pain, or calm my heart. In the grieving process, I have learned that sometimes it is okay and beneficial just to be still and listen to God. There are many days in the past nine months where I wanted to pray but felt at a loss for words and simply prayed "Thine Will Be Done" and "Use Rylan's Life and Death for Your Glory and Your Purpose. Amen."

I still greatly miss my daughter, but I am making it, pulling through, and staying in the "LIGHT" because of God's grace and faithfulness.

Here are a few passages from one of my favorite books, Holding on to Hope, by Nancy Guthrie.

For what purpose? For what purpose did my four day old daughter die? For what purpose is my college friend, age 32, battling cancer? For what purpose is a friend's three year old spending his days going through chemo instead of having the opportunity to run and play like a regular little boy?

To display the glory of God is the answer. How do you display the glory of God? You reflect his character. Instead of demanding an answer, you decide to trust him, recognizing that your circumstances provide an unparalleled opportunity to glorify God just by your trust in his unseen purpose.

Trusting God when the miracle does not come, when the urgent prayer gets no answer, when there is only darkness--this is the kind of faith God values perhaps most of all. This is the kind of faith that can be developed and displayed only in the mist of difficult circumstances. This is the kind of faith that cannot be shaken because it is the result of having been shaken.

That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. For our present troubles are quite small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us an immeasurably great glory that will last forever! So we don't look at troubles we can see right now; rather, we look forward to what we have not yet seen. For the troubles we will soon be over, but the joys to come will last forever. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Psalm 23

Psalm 23

The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.

Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death, [a]
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.

Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.

Sometimes & Forever

So distance
So blurry

Sometimes it is like you were never here

So vivid
So real

Sometimes it is like I am still holding you

The emotions
The sorrow
And the pain

Sometimes it is like I cannot bear to move forward without you

The joy
The mercy
And the love

Forever I know you are save in His arms
Forever I have hope
Forever I will rejoice in His plan

Love, Mommy

Six Months Today, We Miss You!

Rylan's Words

Do not stand by my grave and weep
As I am not there,
I am up in Heaven looking down
On all of you in such despair.

I have no problems
and I have no pain,
I have eternal happiness
that one day you will gain.

I see the lovely flowers
and wreaths that family do bring,
And how I wish I could tell you
How this makes my heart sing.

MY home in Heaven is
a wonderful place,
Everyone here has such a peaceful
look on their face.

My home is with Jesus
I sit at his feet,
And listens to stories
I beg him to repeat.

We play angel games
and sing angel songs,
Sometimes Jesus plays too
And always sings along.

My prayer for you is that
you let the sorrow fade away,
And know that you will be
With me someday.

The day will come when
you will understand,
Why I am so happy
being with Jesus in his "Land.


Written by MeMa Benton
March 27, 2009

The Dress

The Dress

So empty, it hangs there
The dress that she will never wear

So adorable, dressed by angels
So joyful, wrapped in love
So free, embraced by God
So hopeful, taken up above

So empty, it hangs there
The dress that she will never wear

I miss you, Baby Girl!
Love, Mommy

Poem by BeBe

He knows the steps before us
He holds them in His hand
In faith we walk in darkness
Not knowing all His plan.

But He is ever present
His love with healing grace
Is there, but for the asking
When we just seek His face.

He is the source of mercy
And love that never fails
His angels all about us
Hell’s gates cannot prevail.

He’s called me, dear, to love you
To keep you at His throne
He saved you for His glory
And now, you’re not your own.

For He’s the master potter
And we are just the clay
The vessels at His choosing
Bowed down to live His way.

I’ve prayed His healing Spirit
Would hold us in His love
And give us understanding
His wisdom from above.

The pain we feel reminds us
His sacrifice of blood
Was spilled for our redeeming
Mingled down into the mud.

He died for all the heartache
For sins and sorrow shared
We do not know tomorrow,
We do know He cares.

Her spirit is in glory
Forever praising Him
And one day we will join her
United once again.

I miss her little body
The dreams that night have been
Her laughter and her giggles…
To see her once again.

I love you, child, forever
You’re bathed in prayer each day
To feel His loving kindness
As you go along your way.

Be still and feel His presence
His comfort wrapping round
He holds all our tomorrows
Our peace, in Him is found.

BeBe (Rylan’s grandmother)
This poem was reproduced with permission from the author

Five months old

My sweet baby would be five months old. Gosh, I miss her!

I feel like I have really come to grips with her death and losing her forever. I seem to be "okay." It is kind of strange how time is healing my heart and causing me to forget what use to be so vivid and clear. It is not that I want to forget her, but slowly I am...and that is okay. She will always have a special place in my heart, but I have chosen to stay in the "light" and move forward in the life God has set before me. I can see how it would be so easy to slip into the darkness and sadness in my situation, but I will not and cannot because God has something better for me and my family. Each day, I wake up and choose press on regardless if I am missing Rylan, don't feel like getting out of bed, or just feel down. It is truly a battle between light and dark, and I am confident that whatever God brings my way...I will stay in the light and He will be right by my side.

In His Hands

I have held many things in my hands, and I have lost them all. But whatever I have placed in God's hands, I still possess.
-Martin Luther

Bishop Riley assured his flock, " Those whom you laid in the grave with many tears are in good keeping: you will yet see them again with joy. Believe it, think it, rest on it. It is all true."

For three things I thank God everey day of my life: thanks that he vouchsafed me knowledge of his work; deep thanks that he has set in my darkness the lamp of faith; deep, deepest thanks that I have another life to look forward to- a life joyous with light and flowers and heavenly song.
-Helen Keller

John 14:1-3

Hope for Heaven

Knowing that Rylan is safe and secure in the arms of Jesus in heaven is one of my heart's greatest treasure. It is the hope that is bringing me out of this dark valley and reminding me of the light of eternity. When I think about being with Rylan again, tears of joy fill my eyes and heart. Someday, I was hold my baby tight and once again our heart will beat as one.


I am dying from my grief; my years are shortened by sadness. Misery has drained my strength; I am wasting away from within. But I am trusting you, O Lord, saying, "You are my God! My future is in your hands." Psalm 31:10, 14-15

There Will Be a Day

I try to hold on to this world with everything I have
But I feel the weight of what it brings, and the hurt that tries to grab
The many trials that seem to never end, His word declares this truth,
that we will enter in this rest with wonders anew

But I hold on to this hope and the promise that He brings
That there will be a place with no more suffering

There will be a day with no more tears, no more pain, and no more fears
There will be a day when the burdens of this place, will be no more, we'll see Jesus face to face
But until that day, we'll hold on to you always

I know the journey seems so long
You feel you're walking on your own
But there has never been a step
Where you've walked out all alone

Troubled soul don't lose your heart
Cause joy and peace he brings
And the beauty that's in store
Outweighs the hurt of life's sting

I can't wait until that day where the very one I've lived for always will wipe away the sorrow that I've faced
To touch the scars that rescued me from a life of shame and misery this is why this is why I sing

Artist Jeremy Camp

Three Months without Her

Here in Heaven

Here I am, Lord
I am free
Here I Come, Lord
Your love and angels now surround me

Here I Pray, Lord
Be with those I have left behind
Here I Hope, Lord
Remind them we will be reunited in your time

Here I Live, Lord
Help them to rejoice for me daily
Here I will stay, Lord
Forever, I will always be their baby

Kristah Slate

Here is a montage I created with our memories of Rylan:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YgMzN_Q8mRc

Dear Rylan,
You would be three month old today...smiling, cooing, and having fun with your brothers. But, you are in heaven listening to beautiful lullabies and being held by Jesus. So we rejoice for you and cling to the promise that we will see you again someday. We miss you dearly and wish we could hold you just one more time. You are always in our hearts.

Mommy & Daddy