He is Risen, Indeed!

Easter has always been my favorite Christian holiday and celebration. I love the worship on Easter Sunday, the genuine sacrifice of our God gave to save me, and the eternal perspective the cross gives me. This Easter, I woke up with heaven on my mind. We attend church with our entire family. The first song was one of my favorite hymns, Crown Him with Many Crowns. I loved it. Singing this victorious Hymn bought me back to my childhood and the excitement I use to feel in my heart each Easter. Somehow over the past few year, that excitement has been missing from my heart. The next song was Glorious Day, which is a popular praise and worship song. Each October, I ask God to give me something to remind me of you, and he always brings something. He is faithful. This year, he brought me this amazing song to remind me of you and the beautiful sacrifice God gave by sending his one and only son to die for me that I will have eternal life in heaven. When the song began to play, I thanked God and started crying and thinking of you. I thought of you and the beauty of heaven. I closed my eyes and pictured you singing along, worshipping our Lord. You are beautiful, and you are joyful. Rylan, I am so thankful for Easter and for Jesus.... He gives me an indescrible hope of knowing we will both have heaven forever. He is Risen. he is Risen, Indeed!

Knowing Too Much

Most people would think that as the years pass and time goes by, I would miss you less and slowly forget about you....but I just keep missing you and remembering you! Lately, I have been missing you a lot and wishing you were here. The hole in my heart is getting smaller but it will always be there. The day you died, you took a piece of me with you. I look at pictures of me before October 17th, 2008 and I see a different person. I see a girl who did not know sadness and grief, who was sheltered from darkness, and who was ignorant to heartache. Now, I feel like I know too much by losing you. I know a pain like no other when you bury your child. I know the feeling of not wanting to get out of bed and the desire to shut out the world. I know the difficulty in trying so hard to be strong for my little ones and to put on a happy face. I know the guilt of laughing for the first time after you died. It is the "knowing" that has changed me forever and knowing that keeps me remembering you.

This is a gloomy, sad post, but I miss you!
Wishing I could tuck you in bed tonight,
Mommy