A New Day

A New Day

I long for a new day...
A day that I would wake up and find you back in my arms

I long for a new day...
A day when I would hear your laughter and see your smile

I long for a new day...
A day were the tears and sadness of missing you would disapper

I have a new day...
A day to see God's blessings and beauty

I have a new day...
A day to experience God's faithfulness and peace

I have a new day...
A day to be thankful for your life and all that you taught me

Each day is a gift. Thank you God for this new day!

Happy Second Birthday, Rylan Elizabeth! I love you! You are in my heart forever.
Love,
Mommy

A Cool, Crisp Fall Day!

It has been a rough few days; I feel like I have taken a few steps back in my missing you and my grieving over your death. Today is the second day of cool, crisp fall weather. It is beautiful and sunny outside, and you are constantly coming to my mind. The weather is the same as the day as your funeral and burial. It is like it was yesterday, I can feel the cool breeze and the tears running down my face as prayers are said over your small, white casket and it is slowly lowered in to the ground. I remember all the feelings of despair, helplessness, and denial that we were burying our precious, four day old daughter. In some ways, it still feels surreal. But you were here, in our arms for such a short time. I cherish you, and I am thankful for the small reminders of you that God brings to my mind to help me remember you. Cool, crisp fall days will always remind me of you. I love you, my girl!

Who You'd Be Today

These are the lyrics to a song I heard about six months after you died. Kenny Cheseny has always been one of my favorite artist. At our wedding our first dance was to "Me & You" by KC. Also, when I was nine months pregnant with you, your dad surprised me with concert tickets to KC. I think you really enjoyed the music at the concert; you moved around a lot and kicked! That is a special memory I have with you; I wish we could have shared more memories....and we will SOMEDAY! I we approach your second birthday, I think about you and who you'd be today. I love you, my sweet girl! Mommy

Who You'd Be Today


Sunny days seem to hurt the most
Wear the pain like a heavy coat
I feel you everywhere I go
I see your smile, I see your face
I hear you laughing in the rain
Still can't believe you're gone

Chorus:

It ain't fair you died too young
Like a story that had just begun
The death tore the pages all away
God knows how I miss you
All the hell that I've been through
Just knowing no one could take your *place*(instead of 'love away')
Sometimes I wonder who you'd be today

Would you see the world?
Would you chase your dreams?
Settle down with a family?
I wonder, what would you name your babies?
Some days the sky's so blue
I feel like I can talk to you
And I know it might sound crazy

Chorus

Today, Today, Today
Today, Today, Today

Sunny days seem to hurt the most
I wear the pain like a heavy coat
The only thing that gives me hope
Is I know I'll see you again someday

Someday, Someday

By: Kenny Chesney

Why? to What?

A picture when I was seven months pregnant with Rylan.

Ever since the day you were born, I have asked "why?" I have never felt angry at God or mad at Him because we lost you. But everyday, any time I thought of you for the last 20 months, I ask myself and God too, why? Why did you die? Why did our family experience such a loss and such pain? And why couldn't the doctors save you? Why am I still sad and miss you, even after your sister was born?

Over the past few days, I have started asking "what?" instead of "why?" What is the purpose of our loss? What can I do you help comfort others who have experienced the loss of a baby? What is God calling me to do? My focus is changing from my needs, my desires, and my grief....to helping others. My eyes are being opened to the pain, hurt, and suffering that so many families go through after losing a precious child. My heart aches for them and my compassion is sincere. One thing I am sure of is out of pain comes a purpose. I am timid yet excited about the doors may will open as I ask the question "What?" Lord, what can I do to serve you and glorify you here on this earth?

I love you, My Rylan!

Our God Reigns

As I reflect on the past year and half, I think about how losing you has made me a stronger person and a better wife and mother. I truly cherish each blessing in my life and am thankful this journey of life.

This year, I had the opportunity to study the book of Revelation in Community Bible Study. The study has given me hope in remembering OUR GOD REIGNS FOREVER AND EVER.

To Rylan:

He Reigns...
He reigns when my heart was filled with so much joy and excitement as I welcomed you, my first daughter, into this world. He reigns when I said goodbye to you and gave you one last kiss. He reigns when my world was so dark that I could not see anything around me. He reigns when I prayed each morning to keep me in the "light." He reigns when I begged Him for strength to make it through the day. He reigns when my heart aches because you are gone from this earth. He reigns when tears suddenly come from something reminds me of you. He reigns when I began to see His glory and purpose in my pain and suffering. He reigns when I think of heaven and the amazing gift of eternity you are experiencing. He reigns when I am reminded of His faithfulness. He reigns when I praise Him for you and your life. He is my God, and He forever reigns.

Thank You, My Angel!

It has been awhile....I still miss you every day and wish you were here with us. Yesterday, I went to your grave to spend some time with you, my Girl. I sat there for a few minutes at a loss for words and with dry eyes. The weather was sunny and cool...beautiful! I sat there silent and still. I started thinking about the positives that have come from having you, 17 months ago. God has taught me so much. He has given me a new perspective on life and a new appreciation for everything. The words that kept coming to my mind during my visit were..."Be Thankful." I am thankful for you, Rylan. I cannot imagine my life without you and the gift that you were to us. Even though you were only with us four days, you have touched so many lives and taught many people to love more. I will treasure the gifts that I have in my life right now and focus on those blessings. I praise God for my amazing husband, my four kids, my family and friends, jobs, health, etc.

That night, I took your brothers and sister and held them tight, kissed them, and thanked my God for them. There are so precious and dear. Thank you, my Girl, for teaching be to be thankful.

Love,
Mommy

Big Sister

Sweet Girl-
On December 17th, 2009 we welcomed your little sister, Anna Claire, to the world. She is a true blessing to us, just like you. I wish you were here to meet her, play with her, and be her big sister. She looks a lot like you.

I love you, my girl! You are forever in my heart!
Mommy