Happy First Birthday, Rylan Elizabeth!

Happy Birthday, My Sweet Girl! I wish we could celebrate this special day with you and give you a big hug and kiss.

I have anticipated this day for the past year, but though God's grace and peace and from the prayers of our family and friends, I can honestly say October 17th, 2009 was a memorable,joyful day. Your Dad and I decided to remember you, but also chose to celebrate the many positive blessings in our life. We took your brothers to the State Fair of Texas and spent time with family and friends in Dallas. It was a day of happiness and fun! God has truly blessed our family in so many ways. Today we thanked Him for you, our precious daughter and for the short time we had with you on this earth.

Open Eyes

A glimpse of your glory, A hint of your beauty
Keep my eyes open to the blessings from you




This is the only picture I have of Rylan with her eyes open; and I am so glad I have it. It is a reminder to open my eyes to God's plan for my life and open my eyes to the many blessings surrounding me each day.

God Keeps His Promises

Remembered with a Rainbow

The beauty in the sky today, reminded me of you
It was a rainbow after the rain, it is the promise of God in full view

Oh how I wish she were here to share in our family
But God sent me a sign that she is there and she is free

The beauty of the rainbow, the sparkle in the sky
It is a forever promise that God is always nearby

For my sweet baby in heaven, thank you for these days
For this rainbow I have seen today, I give the Lord my praise

The promise of our Father will always be true
Whether the sky in your world is with a rainbow or it is gray and blue

So keep your eyes on Him and you will stay in the light
And when you look back on your life, the darkness will turn bright

God will send you something to remind you of His promises and love
For me it was a rainbow that gave me confidence that the baby I love is safe up above

Thank you, God. Happy 11 months in Heaven, Rylan!

Our Rylan Tree: Celebrate Life

Happy 10 Months Old, Sweet Girl!

A month after Rylan's death, I decided to go and visit her graveside and buy some pink flowers. That day, when I was in Kroger, trying to pick out flowers for her, the reality of her death and the that fact these flowers were all I could never buy her hit me like a tons of bricks. It totally sucked; it was an "ambush moment." I could not buy her a cute pair of girly shoes, a bow, or even diapers. I could buy her flowers that were quite symbolic of her life...alive and beautiful for a short time, but a few days later, dead.

Needless to say, I cannot bring myself to buy flowers for her again. So Dan and I decide to plant a tree instead, something our family could enjoy, something that would grow over time, and something that we could see on a daily basis that has "life" not death. This tree is our "Rylan" tree. It was planted in front of our house this spring in memory of Rylan.

Heaven is Our Hope

This is a picture that Camden, Rylan's three year old brother, made in his class at church Spring 2009. I'll treasure this picture forever. It is such a wonderful, yet simple reminder of how beautiful heaven must be. When Camden handed me his paper, he said " Mom, isn't this pretty? Do you like it? Today, we learned about heaven and my baby sister is there with Jesus and she is so happy." Big tears filled my eyes. Camden reminded me of the joy and hope I have that Rylan is in heaven, safe in the arms of Jesus. This picture is hanging up in my closet. I look at it each morning. I remember my baby girl and remember the sacrifice Christ made so we can experience eternity in heaven.

My Girl, For His Glory

I really struggled with this month's post. It seems like I have run out of words to express my loss of Rylan. I wish there was something else I could say or do to bring her back, ease the pain, or calm my heart. In the grieving process, I have learned that sometimes it is okay and beneficial just to be still and listen to God. There are many days in the past nine months where I wanted to pray but felt at a loss for words and simply prayed "Thine Will Be Done" and "Use Rylan's Life and Death for Your Glory and Your Purpose. Amen."

I still greatly miss my daughter, but I am making it, pulling through, and staying in the "LIGHT" because of God's grace and faithfulness.

Here are a few passages from one of my favorite books, Holding on to Hope, by Nancy Guthrie.

For what purpose? For what purpose did my four day old daughter die? For what purpose is my college friend, age 32, battling cancer? For what purpose is a friend's three year old spending his days going through chemo instead of having the opportunity to run and play like a regular little boy?

To display the glory of God is the answer. How do you display the glory of God? You reflect his character. Instead of demanding an answer, you decide to trust him, recognizing that your circumstances provide an unparalleled opportunity to glorify God just by your trust in his unseen purpose.

Trusting God when the miracle does not come, when the urgent prayer gets no answer, when there is only darkness--this is the kind of faith God values perhaps most of all. This is the kind of faith that can be developed and displayed only in the mist of difficult circumstances. This is the kind of faith that cannot be shaken because it is the result of having been shaken.

That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. For our present troubles are quite small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us an immeasurably great glory that will last forever! So we don't look at troubles we can see right now; rather, we look forward to what we have not yet seen. For the troubles we will soon be over, but the joys to come will last forever. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Psalm 23

Psalm 23

The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.

Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death, [a]
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.

Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.

Sometimes & Forever

So distance
So blurry

Sometimes it is like you were never here

So vivid
So real

Sometimes it is like I am still holding you

The emotions
The sorrow
And the pain

Sometimes it is like I cannot bear to move forward without you

The joy
The mercy
And the love

Forever I know you are save in His arms
Forever I have hope
Forever I will rejoice in His plan

Love, Mommy